The Roxbury Question

Occasionally my mind and heart will be assaulted by a very specific and very philosophical question. This week's question was the same one that Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan used to jerk their heads to, namely, "What is love?"

In all seriousness, the concept of "romantic love" is something we all have a general concept of, but do we really understand what it is or where it comes from?  Such was my intention when I began pondering the question.  With the disclaimer that love is somewhat of a mystery and cannot be fully explained, I offer my conclusions below...

Romantic Love is the concept that encapsulates the experience of a man and a woman who intentionally share a one-on-one bond.

In order to be a romantic relationship, it is a friendship augmented by two things:

1.  Some degree of physical attraction.
2.  An emotional attachment (not a dependency, though).

Avoid this feeling at all costs! A romantic relationship needs to consist of two complete people who are happy on their own and content with who they are. Looking for another person to fill a hole in your heart is a recipe for disaster, and is a sure sign that you need to do some soul-work on yourself. Everyone is at this stage at some point in their life. If that's you right now, take an extended period of time (a few months, perhaps) to focus on your relationship to yourself and to God. Become totally happy with yourself, and content being alone. Then you will be ready to start looking.

Thus, the ideal romantic partner has to have the qualities you would find in any good friend—i.e. shared values, good rapport with you, and availability; they must be both attractive and attracted to you; and they must admire you enough to relish the prospect of spending lots of time in your company.

Lest this seem to over-intellectualize the concept of Love, it should be emphasized that discerning all of this is best done by someone who is in touch with their own emotions, brave enough to explore other people's feelings, and willing to accept reality as it comes.  If your life seems to lack romance, work on these three things and be patient.  The right person is out there, don't worry!

Love in its highest form is self-sacrifice and self-giving love for another person; but this expression of love is a long-term phenomenon (that, it should be noted, is present in non-romantic contexts, as well—such as a parent to a child).  One commits to such self-offering at a wedding, but the sacrifice itself takes an entire lifetime.

Question:  How do we know who is the right person to make such an offer to in Marriage?

Answer:  To someone whom we trust to make the same offering in return.

To the best of my knowledge, following what I've discussed here will lead you to find that person, who is right for you (and vice versa).

Have fun out there!
Joezilla