Rational Security

“It is always the secure who are humble.”

G.K. Chesterton’s words always require a complex routine of mental gymnastics to decipher fully, and the above quote is no exception.

I take it to mean that in order to be a truly humble person, one first must achieve a level of self-confidence that could be called being “secure.” This, of course, would be the opposite of “insecure.” But can we ever really, completely stop being insecure?

In our best moments, yes, I say we can. When the circumstances are right, and we feel that irresistible Force pushing us to be at our best (because we all have times like that, don’t we?), we can completely transcend the immature boundaries that our society has conditioned us to have:

“Oh, no, I’ve got to walk up the aisle of this auditorium full of people, everyone’s going to look at me! Are my shoes tied? Is my fly open? Is there a booger hanging out of my nose?”

We’ve probably all had moments like that. Or maybe not. Anyway…

I think that the only way we stop feeling insecure is to stop acting insecure. Even if we feel completely self-conscious walking up the aisle in that crowded auditorium, we still have the choice, it is still completely within our realm of capability, to put our shoulders back and walk up confidently. We all have a right to be here, and there is never a reason to feel ashamed, unsure, or even just a little awkward. You know what you’re doing, even if no one else does. And in the end, no one really cares anyway. They’re not even going to be looking at your nostrils, trust me.
So let’s move on to humility. Doesn’t humility mean stepping out of the spotlight, shrugging off compliments, and ascribing your successes to other people, events, or to God? Well, yes, I think so, but that’s not all of it. You see, I recently had an experience where I was playing music in front of a group. But it wasn’t a performance, really, at all.

I was at church. The whole idea was to be in the background, to add to the atmosphere, not absorb it into my spotlight. So you see, I had a lot of power in my hands. I could play for the right reasons, to add to the spiritual experiences of everyone at church, or I could take steps to highlight my own playing, my own skills. I could dwell on what people were thinking of me as I played my heart out in front of them all.

Well, luckily for me, I knew that I would be a pathetic and arrogant failure in the humility department if I practiced the latter. I’ve never really been an overtly egotistical person (unless I’m blind to it, in which case I could be right now!). That kind of thing doesn’t work for me.

But the most dangerous wolf is the one in sheep’s clothing; he can get close to the herd, make friends with the other sheep, before going for their throat. Likewise, the most insidious of vices are the ones that paint themselves as virtues or harmless pleasures, or that make us think they're not really there. Those are the ones that can really get us. And that’s where I fell a little short that day. You see, I was concentrating so much on being humble, that I wasn’t practicing real humility, the ultimate humility that we strive for. I was overthinking it.

But wait. Can you really overthink being humble? You know, if you think more about it, you’ll just get more and more humble. Is that a bad thing?

Well, yes it is, if it takes our mind off our priorities. I was being so humble that day at church that I was mentally patting myself on the back for it:

“Yeah, Joe, that was a pretty humble job. I loved the way you humbly deflected that compliment back at that guy. Well done.”

Yeah, that’s almost word for word.

Now I shouldn’t forget that what matters is that I was humble during the Mass. I didn’t let the demons of ego take control. But the next step, then, is to really jump into the cold water and stop worrying about being humble.

So real humility, I think, is being supremely humble, and not thinking about it.

If we have faith, we don’t need to consciously practice humility. If we go into everything with the right attitude, then all the pieces fall into place. Humility becomes a part of our character. And that’s about it.

Now the real question is, should I even publish this essay here on the blog, or would it be more humble to keep it offline?

There I go again!

Securely but humbly,
Joezilla